I didn’t ever really understand why so many mainstream feminists have this deep, omnipresent anxiety about having their most innocuous and far-removed-from-politics personal decisions not being validated and celebrated constantly. I’ve noticed that if you offer anything less than a rousing “you go girl” and a pat on the head for certain feminists, in particular, white middle-class ones, you’ll be met with a humongous tidal wave of resentment and tears, followed by a rousing defense of their personal choice and how it is a proud feminist action which is Good and Virtuous and Empowering. 

Then it occurred to me: So much of these anxieties are basically an extension of the need for approval from a patriarchal father figure; in this case, constantly seeking approval of every choice from a patriarchal society. The goal here isn’t to challenge or disrupt what is valued, it’s for themselves to gain approval and sink into it (to borrow Sara Ahmed’s language). 

This is not only excruciatingly boring, it’s just plain ineffective. No wonder I hate it so much. 

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